This kid! This kid who constantly follows me around. He is SO busy. He breaks things, he finds dangerous things, he is always exploring. All food is better dipped. Dipped up to the elbow if possible. Dipped in ranch, blue cheese, ketchup, bbq sauce…it doesn’t really matter, any sauce will do. I have seen him eat a bowl of mandarin oranges covered in ranch dressing. And second to dipped, all food is better off of my fork…when it is headed in my mouth. He will eat anything I am planning to eat!

This boy, who “mobs” around with his hood up on his sweatshirt and his hands kangarooed in the front pocket with a bit of a swagger. Who won’t hold my hand crossing the parking lot at the gym or grocery store because “pockets.” This boy runs to the shoe bin and coat rack at the mention of someone leaving. Quickly putting on anything that will fit his feet…preferably a brothers pair of boots. He is not going to be left behind.

This little man who mimics and memorizes almost all words, especially the most embarrassing ones. And then properly uses them in passing later. “You jerk!” “I’m stinky” “I don’t want to.”

This child who is always thirsty. Always looking for running water to fill and overfill any available cup or bowl and then carry it around sloshing left and right as big splashes escape and litter the kitchen floor, the bathroom floor, the hallway floor.

This is my littlest man. The one who nearly didn’t make it. The one whose birthday changed our world. My littlest man and I. We spend our days doing chores, running errands, shuttling big kids to school and back, playing, and being silly. We are a pair. He is my little buddy.

I can’t imagine my life without this little boy. Sometimes I swoop him into my arms and just squeeze him. He wraps his little arms tightly around my neck. His warm little body, letting me know he feels safe and loved, melts into my shoulder. I say I love you, he says I love you. My heart nearly can’t take the love that bursts from me. I pause and take a minute to be oh so grateful for this little boy, my littlest man. The one who will be the last to go to Kindergarten, learn to drive, and last to leave the nest one day. So many more wonderful days of pulling my hair out, mopping up messes, and laughing until I cry over the latest antics and adventures.

This little boy is one of my reasons for living. In all his wild and rambunctious two year old-ness, I am reminded of the night he came to join our lives. The terror, the tragedy, the crushing grief…met with the relief, the joy, and the sweetness of his little life. His big eyes, little hands, tiny cries. His warm body nestled in his swaddling blanket placed on my chest in the hospital bed instantly quieting his cry and the sound of my voice settling and calming him to sleep. He needed me, but I think I needed him more.

In fact, as I think back, I think we all needed him more.

This little boy forced us to get up every few hours, feed him, feed ourselves, drink water, pay attention to what time it was, what day it was, what needed to be happening next.

He came into this world knowing only us. He came wanting to live joyously. He came not knowing there was anything wrong or that we had been through great tragedy. He came as a beautiful little light. Full of hope and smiles, he didn’t know to be sad.

He has the most contagious and sweet little laugh. He says “goodnight mama, I love you, I’ll see you in the morning,” and then he sleeps, through the night…every night…since he was 6 months old. He has always been the kind of baby we all pray for and as he grows into this little person, I am no less amazed at how smart, fun loving, and precious he is. Even in the moments where his “exploration” and “independence” make me want to cage him for the next year. I remind myself he is a toddler. Healthy, happy, strong, and full of a zest for life! I want to hug him until some of that zest rubs off on me, and it always does.

I am so grateful for the gift of this little boy. Who made sure we all kept fighting and made it impossible to want to give up.

Happy Birthday Leedan! You are a blessing and a treasure!