I sat down last night to compile a list of things I learned in the grief process that may apply to this “shelter-in-place” global pandemic. I thought there might be a couple of good things in my coping tool kit I could share…but as I started to write I realized many of the things I learned about surviving while grieving are equally beneficial to me today. It seems, emotionally and mentally, these are very similar times in my life. This is not to make light of either of these experiences, but more to express that when we lose touch with what we have always known, we have to work hard to keep ourselves connected and well. I hope some of these will give you hope in this trying time.
1. Remember to eat and hydrate. When the days run together we forget to do basic things, like have meals, drink water, take medications and vitamins. These are things we need to do. If you need to set reminders on your phone or put post it notes all over your house to get it done – do it!
2. Get good sleep. You will be exhausted from worry and fear and pain. Fatigue affects our bodies physically, but it also affects our minds, giving us a mental fog feeling. Making it hard to make decisions and to recall important details. Sleep when you can, if you can, and work to get into a new regular routine for your day.
3. Get sunshine and move your body when you can. Even if this is just sitting on the porch when the sun is out or taking a short walk around your neighborhood. Take advantage of the health benefits of nature. There are many!
4. Call people who can give you some emotional support. Set up a network of friends and family who are available when you are feeling especially lonely and despairing. If you both know who they are in advance, there won’t be any pressure to explain yourself, you can just be.
5. Journal if you need to vent or have major worry. Writing it out is a great way to process emotions and allow your mind to quit worrying about things. They are in a safe place, you don’t have to continue to carry it.
6. Avoid numbing, as much as possible. This includes, drinking alcohol in excess, doing drugs, eating to not feel, exercising to the point of exhaustion. There are many ways to numb, most of which are not healthy. Avoiding the pain now will not make it go away, it will just delay it and delay the grieving process.
7. Get up, get dressed, shower, and make yourself presentable. It can lift your spirits to be the person you used to be, even when its not required. Sometimes getting up is all you can manage and that is better than nothing.
8. Do the next right thing. This is one of the most important tips on the list. Try not to look at too many of the things that are coming – all of the days, weeks, and months that seem insurmountable. Don’t let the demands of each day overwhelm you into not doing even what you are capable of. Do the next thing. And if you can, do another thing, and another.
9. Give yourself grace. Know that some days will be a carnival hit by a hailstorm and other days will be sunny and calm. In the beginning, these fluctuations will not take days, but hours or moments. Savor the good moments and survive the harder times. Give yourself grace to feel a mess of highs and lows, its normal.
10. Give others grace. People don’t know what to do or say, and it all falls short of making it feel better. In fact, often times it makes it feel worse. Try to remember times when you probably said all the wrong things to someone you just didn’t know how to comfort and give them grace.
11. Don’t compare your grief with others. We all have different relationships, different lives, and different approaches to how we handle what seems to be the same thing. It is alright to do it your way, while also accepting that there are different ways to do it.
12. Be sad. It’s ok to be sad. Sometimes thats what we are, we don’t have to bootstrap everything all the time. We can mourn, when it is time to mourn.
13. Pray and give it to God. Give him your pain, your fear, your anger, your frustration. He can take it and he already knows it. Scream it to him, lecture him, weep with him. He will get you through and will never leave you. You are NOT alone.
I know this is not an easy time to take care of ourselves. It can be much easier to busy ourselves with tasks and responsibilities, and those things are important. But remember to underline them with taking care of yourself. Doing anything on this list is a win! Its not exhaustive or prescriptive, its a tool and I hope it finds you right where you are.
“There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build up, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. ” -Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
The Middle Most by Jill Veltkamp 
I love this! Thank you.
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