Today I am thankful for second firsts. Although today is our second Thanksgiving as a family, we just celebrated our first wedding anniversary last Sunday. A whole year of firsts is in the books for us.

Marriage is different the second time around.

This time we knew we wanted to make if forever after 6 months, the first time it took 6 years. This time we planned a wedding in 3 months, the first time it took a year and a half. This time we didn’t take a honeymoon, the first time we went to Aruba. This time I already had 3 kids – he had 4, the first time I was hoping to have three or four kids one day. This time I was 37, the first time I was 27. This time we paid for the wedding, the first time we had LOTS of help. This time my wedding party was my 3 kids, the first time it was my 3 sisters (well, two sisters and a best friend).

This is not the way marriage looks in the movies, in magazines, in the perfect bride’s world. This is the world of second chances, new starts, patched hearts, patched holes and leaky roofs. This is not new construction, this is a renovation. This is a gutting of a house that has been deemed historical property. The history is deep and strong here. We are taking good bones and making it new. We are rooting out the bad pipes, overwhelmed breaker boxes, and rotting joists. The cracks are being filled. We hope they are being filled with love, experience, and strength. The foundation is being reinforced, we hope with faith and commitment. The rooms are expanding to fit the family. We are BIG. We are LOUD. We are STUBBORN. We are a force.

I have learned I am a fighter and a lover. I don’t love to fight, but I love to feel resolved, secure, decided. This is not an easy fight some days. Some days feel like its uphill both ways, in the snow, no shoes. This is not easy, but this is the good fight. In the world of second firsts we savor more, pour out more, take in more. This is our life after learning how precious and short it really is. This is our, I’ll never go to bed angry, I’ll always end with “I love you,” I will be sorry and I will forgive, kind of life. Where we hug harder, laugh louder, cry…alot, and try to wake up thankful every day.

Today I am thankful. I am thankful for happiness and peace. Happiness and peace do not mean smooth sailing, perfection. Not at all, dare I say…not even a little bit. They mean a contented and restful heart and spirit. And that is where I am today…steeped in the gutted beauty of what is ours and in the vision of what it will be one day.

Happy Thanksgiving!

And because its fun. here’s some pics from our beach vacation…