I managed to drag my butt, and two kids to the gym today and after a quick mile on the treadmill I made my way to the yoga studio. Red faced and out of breath because running kicks my a@#, I found a spot near the back. As I settled in, got all my props set up and wiped the massive amounts of sweat dripping from my forehead, I found a nice cross legged seated position. My sitting bones raised just slightly on a blanket. There was still a few minutes before class. I worked on my breathing, trying to get myself to a nice steady, slow breath that would bode well for the success of a yoga class. The room filled around me. Mats were laid down in all spots that had a person sized floor space showing. I was glad I came in when I did. Although a yoga class can be a bit cramped when its full, I hoped I wouldn’t notice. She started to talk and introduced herself…interestingly her name is also Jill…our normal teacher is out with an injury. However, Jill has subbed many times before. I like her style. She is very technical in the way she explains what muscles and body parts we are stretching, using, and working on. Did you know the largest ligament in our bodies is in our chest? It literally holds up the heart! So when she says raise your arms and gently bend back and lift your heart…we are actually lifting our hearts. I find this to be very cool. 🙂

So she introduced herself and in doing so reminded us that yoga is a very individual practice. We are not competing to look like anyone else in this room or anywhere else. She also reminded us that all of our bodies work and flex in different ways. What is good and will work for one person, may be an absolute impossibility for another. Therefore, do not push your body where it cannot go. Let it remind you of its limits. Support it where you can. Guide it gently, do not force anything. Follow YOUR breath. Whether you can take super long deep breaths or shorter shallower ones. Our lungs are built for us, they work for us and us alone. Focus on helping them do their job, not asking them to do work they are not able to sustain.

She asked us to begin in child’s pose. For you yogis out there, this is the an awesome fairly relaxed resting pose, am I right? For you non-yogis, child’s pose is a kneeling position. You kneel on the the mat and spread your knees just slightly as you fold forward resting your belly in your lap and your forehead on the floor. Your hands and arms rest gently along your sides. You can also stretch your hands out forward. I like by my side, because its more for the low back stretch and my low back is always in need of something. So I moved into child’s pose. This is where she reminds you to leave the world outside while you find some inner reflection. Where she might ask to set an intention for the class. This time she said think of what brought you to your mat today and be thankful to be here. Be thankful for the things allowing this moment. You are here you are on your mat.

I was thankful that my kids all made it relatively easy to get out the door this morning, even a little early allowing me a blast of cardio. I was thankful there is childcare at the gym. I was thankful I had let myself do this instead of the 50 other things my head tried to talk me into instead. She then began to talk about our spine, she referred back to the spine many times throughout the class. The spine connects us, the spine is the center, they spine is balance, the spine…..my spine. I was struck momentarily with the magnitude of my spine. There was a lump in my throat, and I had trouble catching my breath for just a second. I almost lost it completely. Tears welled in the corners of my eyes, yet didn’t fall. I had found myself nearly paralyzed in the moment. I heard her voice, I moved as her voice commanded, I took a breath. All as my mind was still connected by a long thread to the thought that my spine was now half mechanical. It was mended, healed, and yet immovable in certain ways. I frequently think of how this pain in my spine, in my back, is such a burden to me. How it makes life just a little bit harder every day to manage. It never quite lets me forget that I will never be the same.

But in this moment, I was struck with gratitude. Amazing, overwhelming, joyous gratitude. I am so grateful for legs that work and a body that bends and twists and lifts. I am for grateful for child’s pose and downward dog and grounded warrior. I am grateful to be able to run until I can hardly breath and to be able to (however awkwardly) touch my toes. I am so grateful for the mechanics that are nearly half my spine. I am grateful for a lower back that reminds me everyday how lucky I am to race with my kids, and bathe my baby, and have dance offs in the dining room. The list of things I get to experience because of the work of some amazing people is long. And I hope I never forget to be grateful!

May you find gratitude in this day, however you can. May it overwhelm you, like it has me.

Namaste!